Sharing What I'm Learning

I am learning all kinds of things. Not the least of which is that every day is a new adventure/experience/challenge (depending on which day it is).

This first week post-chemo had ups and downs. Every person's body responds differently to chemo, so despite many kind people giving me a general idea of what to expect, I didn't really know how I would respond until it happened.

I am a science nerd, so I manage unknowns by taking lots of notes. I also am learning that I cope with my cancer by doing online research and writing down long lists of questions to ask my oncologist. For example, I went online today to learn the difference between the mechanisms of action for each of the types of anti-nausea drugs they give me. My list (even after I got that answer) has about 6 other questions on it. We'll see how he likes our discussion tomorrow. :-)

Here are some of my observations on side effects and other related stuff so far...

1. Happily, I have not experienced much nausea. The pre-chemo treatment included some really hefty anti-nausea drugs, which after my online research today, I better understand what they do and why they are long-acting. They have done a good job so far in preventing any nausea, other than a queasy stomach every few hours, which is a problem easily remedied by eating small snacks about that often (and which the nurses recommend doing anyway). One small victory!

2. Neulasta, which is an injection they gave me the day after chemo to help stimulate white blood cell growth in the bone marrow, takes a few days to give me the anticipated side effects. Side effects include bone pain (primarily an aching jaw, which left untreated, may make your head feel like it's going to explode). Fortunately, taking the recommended Aleve+Claritin combo makes it more tolerable. And after a few days, the majority of the pain dissipates.

3. There is a major lack of content on the internet regarding how fibromyalgia affects a person's response to chemo. I have had very mild, easily managed fibromyalgia for a number of years, with very few (but predictable, like when I do something I really shouldn't) flare-ups... but cancer treatments are adding a huge wrinkle to my fibromyalgia management. I'm not sure how "normal" I am, but my pain levels seem unusually high relative to what I've heard from others. I am still figuring out how to manage this. It's on my list of questions for tomorrow.

4. Prednisone makes me wacky, but I can tolerate it as long as it doesn't keep me from sleeping like it did last night. It was super crazy. The only way to describe it is that my thoughts were like little hyperactive mice skittering around my brain, running through the same maze-like pattern over and over. The result was light, recurring-dream-ish "sleep" that only earned me a 35% sleep quality rating on my phone's sleep analysis app last night. Ick. Sometime early this morning, I finally managed to run a mental thought exercise that involved picking up each of the little hyperactive thought-mice by the tail and dropping them into a metal box and latching it closed. After that, I didn't have hyperactive thoughts anymore... but it was also morning. (Good thing I'm done taking the prednisone for a while.)

I debate with myself whether I should share the hard stuff. Part of me wants to portray only my optimism, so you can be confident with me that I am going to beat this cancer and go on to live a full and happy life. And I will. But there is also the part about how cancer is not easy. And sometimes it hurts. And it does weird things to your body (some of which, after the fact, can be entertaining if I can come up with the right words to describe the experience... see #4).  And since someone, someday, might benefit from knowing how I approached it and what I think about it, I am going to try sharing.

The fact is, everybody has hard stuff going on in their lives. But with faith and prayer and a good support network and by the grace of God, we get through the hard minutes. And because we do, we are better for it. Hard things also carve out extra space our hearts, giving us greater capacity for joy and peace. It's pretty amazing, really.

Thank you to all those who love, serve, pray, and give in so many little ways. It is making a big difference.