I'll be honest. The novelty of all this cancer stuff has worn off. (duh) I don't want to say I spent time dreading round 3, but I couldn't think of a word that was more accurate. "Dreading" felt too strong, but "really not wanting to do it" was not quite concise enough. If you know the word in the middle of those two ideas that means what I'm trying to say, you'll be one up on me. This should be sufficient to explain how I felt, though.
It has been harder.
The adrenaline has worn off.
We're into the endurance phase of the treatments.
Every time I have a feeling-normal week, I have a harder time with going back to get more chemo.
Thanks to all the friends and family who responded to my FB plea for prayers on Thursday. They have made a huge difference so far this weekend, and have buoyed me up emotionally enough that I think I'll make it through another day. And then another. And pretty soon we'll be on the other end of this.
Now for the happy/interesting/distracting/fun stuff.
It's March! That means it's almost spring in Boston! Even though I don't live there anymore (and I'm really glad I left before this historically horrible winter), that makes me happy on behalf of all my friends who still live there who are learning about endurance with snow in a kind-of-sort-of similar way I'm learning about endurance with cancer.
March also means Pi Day! And this year, my friends, it's an EPIC Pi Day. 3.14.15. The party I'm going to will start at 9:26. And I'm excited.
After trying many different brands of protein shakes, I have finally settled on the one I like! First, though, allow me to explain why this matters - when I'm going through chemo, the treatments are really rough. Part of that is taking prednisone for five days every round, which does not do happy things to me. (Jittery weirdness. Enough said.) In addition, my body needs lots of protein anyway to rebuild all that gets broken. My friend told me last round that I might do better if I take my prednisone with protein instead of the carbs I normally eat for breakfast. But while meat is tasty, meat for every meal and snack? Not so much. Enter protein bars and protein shakes! My sister talked me through navigating the overwhelming complexity that is the protein bars & shakes aisle of Sprouts the other week, and after trying 5 or so varieties, I have found the one I like the best. So I am having a Plant Fusion chocolate protein shake with breakfast every morning I have prednisone this round, and it is making a very happy difference in my ability to tolerate the side effects of my chemo.
I am loving my job. It makes me feel good to have something to do, and the people I work with are equally awesome. I like being able to contribute to the good in the world. And I like that when I travel to Utah on the last three days before chemo, I feel almost normal enough that I can pretend nothing is wrong with me (except that I am wearing awesome head scarves to cover up the fact that I have almost no hair and I get tired a little - or maybe a lot - more easily).
I am also loving my friends here. Today when I got to church, I was already tired by the time I got into the chapel. (The first few days after chemo, my stamina lasts only about 15 minutes. Tops. Then it's time to recline or lie down. Sitting up straight for an hour through sacrament meeting is tricky, because it uses so much energy. So I do my best.) My friend came up and gave me a hug and told me how beautiful I looked. She is seriously one of my favorite people. She - along with many others here and elsewhere - can see beauty in my mostly-baldness, beauty when I'm exhausted, and beauty even when I'm barely holding it together. The encouragement gives me courage and strength.
The opening prayer in sacrament meeting today included a request that the Spirit would be there and that we would be filled. It was a wonderful meeting full of inspired men and women and children who testified of Jesus, His grace, His love, His priesthood power. And I was filled. I love it when Father answers prayers.