New Hope

Yesterday, I wanted to throw my hands in the air, give up and move on. What I am trying to do is hard, and sometimes I wonder if it is worth the effort. As I was feeling most weighed down by my troubles, I ran into a wonderful friend, who listened and encouraged me to let the Spirit guide me. Later, I pondered my situation, and I remembered all the little promptings I have had in the last month and a half - many of which I remembered as words written here, for you (but apparently mostly for me).

Today felt easier. I made some progress. And then, this evening, I watched a video found here. And I felt something else. Something indescribable, but something like peace. A feeling that perhaps (more likely definitely) there is something bigger going on here than I perceive. And everything will work out - it will not only be OK, but it will also bring me joy. I have God on my side.

That is the essence of this Christmas season.

On Grace

This thought has occurred to me more than once this weekend:

Grace - the divine enabling power offered by Jesus Christ to make us greater than we are on our own - is a gift of this season.

Just as Christmas is incomplete without Christ; without His grace, so we are incomplete. "Be ye therefore perfect", He taught, "even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." Perfect, in the sense of complete, finished, fully developed.

A number of friends recently have related personal challenges - stumbling-blocks, heartache, feelings of inadequacy. But in each conversation, I hear stories of miracles, compassion, and hope. Hope in our Savior, who makes all things right. Compassion when friends band together and pray for the strength of the one in need. Miracles of peace and healing after years of searching. Grace, active in the lives of those I love, touches my heart and softens me.

Grace enables me beyond my natural capacity in ways that astound me, that cause me to drop to my knees in humility and gratitude. Friends rally around me to help me carry what must be, sometimes, a burden unknown to them. Their help eases the strain, if only for a moment, I am renewed, and I feel my own back strengthened. Problems for which I have no answers become opportunities for revelation, and God gives direction as He has promised. I plead for the Spirit's guidance, then get up and go to work, marveling at the ways in which that prayer is answered. Even when I can see no more than one step ahead, the small whisperings of peace propel me forward.

My grace is sufficient - these comforting words fill me with hope. Without Him, I am incomplete, but with Him, I am stretched, enlarged, magnified, and molded into the perfect being He has seen within me all along.

Friday Freedom

The week is over! And as a result, I'm a little better at

- having hard conversations
- admitting when I'm wrong
- taking control of my time
- feeling grateful for supportive and loving friends and
- looking for inspiration

Thanks for the love, prayers, and food you provide. It all makes a wonderful positive difference.

Reminder to Myself

If a loving Father in Heaven can make it so I hit most of the lights green from Newton to East Cambridge (thus cutting the time it took to get to FHE from 25 to less than 15 minutes)...

He can help me get through this week. In all its insanity.

(Your prayers won't hurt, either...Thanks.)

Sweet is the Peace

Yesterday was tricky, and I was bothered by something that happened.  I chose to be frustrated and upset by it.  (So much so that I vented for an hour to my wonderful friend, who kindly listened.  Then I thought about it most of the night and some of this morning...)  This afternoon, I worked in the temple. What a wonderful blessing!  I let the spirit of the temple permeate my soul and help me let go of the feelings left over from yesterday.  Now, instead, I feel peace.

Sweet is the peace the gospel brings
To seeking minds and true.
With light refulgent on its wings
It clears the human view.

Simple Things

I have a totally awesome visiting teacher.

She comes over and brings dinner. She tells me a little about her life and lets me talk a lot about mine.

Usually, she's waiting for me on my porch when I get home. But she is understanding of my insane schedule.

When she leaves, I am a better person than when she came.

Tonight, Heavenly Father knew I needed a little more to get my mind of the concerns of the day.

So he also sent a friend with ice cream to see me.

It was a good thing. (The ice cream was good too...)

I am glad for friends who step up and help me before I ask.  That is a great blessing.

The Christmas Season Has Begun!

See?  Gingerbread houses!

A front view... and some of the details - a snowman... a tree... and a nativity!

I am admittedly very proud of the snowman. Two vanilla tootsie rolls, two grains of green sugar, five grains of red sugar, and a very very small sliver of an orange gumdrop for the nose.

It is the first time I've made a manger scene from tootsie rolls - I did also use a few gumdrops, a smartie, and a gummy frog for the sheep, with frosting-wool.  Perhaps, then, it's just a frog in sheep's clothing?

Happy Holidays!

Grateful? or Giddy?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'm excited.

I am really excited because I don't have to work. I am totally excited to see my east coast family. I am also excited for the actual day itself.

There is a lot to be thankful for this week. Here are some of the more random things:

- wonderful, trustworthy associates
- BBQ pulled pork
- my down comforter
- that the ticket I found on my windshield tonight after I forgot to put money in the meter didn't make me mad
- Chipotle burritos, chips & guacamole
- service, both given and received
- Celtic Christmas music
- spiritual guidance
- and (of course) the fun of keeping awesome presents a secret!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Just Like Jeremiah

I learned a little something in Sunday School today.

When Jeremiah was called to be a prophet and do hard things, he said (paraphrasing) You couldn't mean me! I'm just a child.

The Lord answered (again paraphrasing) Don't worry. You'll be fine. I'll tell you what to say.

And later, He also said (this is for real) I have made thee this day a defenced city, and an iron pillar ... and they shall fight against thee; but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the Lord, to deliver thee.

When Father wants us to do something hard, He does not just say, hey, go do that hard thing.  He also says, it will be hard, but I'm going to be with you every step of the way. Just trust me.

That is important.

The New Normal

I made a comment last week: stressed is the new normal. I made it in jest. But it's accurate.

The usual pace has picked up a notch.  It's kind of like trying to run a six minute mile... six times a day, with maybe a little chance to catch your breath in between. (I haven't done even one that fast since high school...)

I used to wonder how my supervisor could go all day on a banana and a few pieces of rye bread with raisins. (It's pretty good stuff! He shares.)  Today, he counseled me to take advantage of every offer for a lunch run - it was the only way he was guaranteed to eat.  I know what he means - there isn't five minutes to warm up the leftovers. Today, between the time I got the lettuce out and the time I had a salad on my plate, I had two conversations with colleagues and had walked to the other side of the building to consult with the construction guys who wanted to schedule some work on an adjoining wall. If people need you, they'll find you - in the office or in the kitchen. I started my lunch at 3.  I finished at 4. I worked the entire hour.

I am learning what makes me really stressed, what is essential to delegate, what is ok to take on, and what has to wait until everyone goes home. I have learned to love my assistant and everything he does for me, and I am eager to begin relying on even more people to help me succeed.  I have learned it's ok to do the dishes only once a week, and to wait to clean the house until Friday night.  I am learning how to unwind on weekends.

More than once, I have looked at what I'm trying to do and been amazed that I am starting to get the hang of it.  And that, my friends, is a miracle.

Making My Tuesday

I read my SIL's post about sword fighting with gogurt and laughed and laughed and laughed.  It makes me laugh just thinking about it!  (Of course, I wasn't the one who would have had to clean it up...)

I remembered to call a friend I've been thinking about for a few weeks. At an hour reasonable enough to actually call, not just think about. Yay! And, another friend called me this morning, and we had a lovely chat on the way to our respective destinations, arriving at approximately the same time, so neither of us felt guilty for getting off the phone when we did. I love it when that happens.

It only took 2 tries to successfully parallel park in the space I found on a busy street in Washington Square tonight. Awesome. I have skillz (especially if the space is half again as big as the car...)

My headache was apparently inversely correlated to the number of calories consumed in the past four hours. Who knew? (she says, as she continues to eat dark chocolate covered pomegranate goodies after dinner... (hardly a permanent solution (but boy, are they yummy!)))

The above paragraph slightly resembles some independent if statements I wrote a few weeks ago... minus a few commas...

These are some things that made me happy today. Thus endeth the randomness. Back to work. After one more chocolate pomegranate thingy.

Saturday Miracles

This morning the sun shines brightly through my windows, and my eyes open at 8 am in spite of a late Friday night. I spend a few hours inside, poking around on the internet and thinking about how I want to spend my Saturday.  Then I head outside to get some yardwork done. To my surprise, it is warm! Oh, happy day!  I spend about an hour outside, raking and bagging leaves, cleaning up the back yard, and making friends with the neighbor kids, who are outside playing. It is wonderful. A beautiful day of sunshine is exactly what I need today to relax from a long week.

On Clarity

Last night, I cleaned my windshield. The inside was filthy - it had that thin film of yick on it that doesn't go away when you blow the defroster, so everything glares funny and affects your depth perception.  You know what I mean, right?

The project reminded me of a story told by President Monson. You can read the whole talk here, if you like.

"A young couple, Lisa and John, moved into a new neighborhood. One morning while they were eating breakfast, Lisa looked out the window and watched her next-door neighbor hanging out her wash. 'That laundry’s not clean!' Lisa exclaimed. 'Our neighbor doesn’t know how to get clothes clean!' John looked on but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, Lisa would make the same comments. A few weeks later Lisa was surprised to glance out her window and see a nice, clean wash hanging in her neighbor’s yard. She said to her husband, 'Look, John—she’s finally learned how to wash correctly! I wonder how she did it.' John replied, 'Well, dear, I have the answer for you. You’ll be interested to know that I got up early this morning and washed our windows!'”

The story makes me laugh. The clarity provided by simply washing my windshield makes me think. If a little scrubbing on a window makes that big a difference (and makes night driving that much safer), it must be a very good thing to spend a little time cleaning off the windows of our perspective every once in a while. It would help us avoid judging others unfairly because of our own faults, fears, or bad experiences. It is a choice that provides spiritual safety.

DST Has Ended

No more daylight savings time this year.

For me, this means darkness before 5 pm. It means endless days ahead of "night" driving, even when I'm going somewhere before dinner (I mean, the time regular people eat dinner... here, dinner is sometimes had after dark even in high summer...). It means cold.

But, last night, as I was in my kitchen at 4:30 (because it was Sunday and I had time to cook), I looked out my window and saw the most beautiful sight. The sky was red-gold and brilliant, and the setting sun was reflecting off the clouds, spreading across the horizon far and wide.  As I watched, I saw those gorgeous reds gathered into the sunset, growing deeper and more focused, until they were all collected low on the horizon.

And I was grateful that because DST had ended, I had seen the sunset on an early Sabbath evening.

The Other Side of the Fence

Three years ago, I was driving home one night talking with my good mother about my latest problems. I couldn't understand how what was going on in my life could possibly be good for me, and felt very confused as to how growth and happiness could come from such difficult circumstances. It was a hard thing to face - one of the hardest things I had faced yet.

I survived. I even thrived, after a while. As time went on, I was grateful to check off that set of experiences as something in the past and move on to happier and more pleasant challenges.

Now a new set of challenging opportunities is before me. It is, I think, as equally stressful and complex, although in slightly different ways, as the aforementioned problem. However, I feel (for the most part) a sense of peace about what is coming.  Even though it's coming at me with the speed of a locomotive crossing an uninhabited part of Kansas. 

The thought occurred to me this morning: you have been prepared for this. And this time, instead of wanting to turn around and run, I walk into the opportunity feeling confident that I will succeed - because I have confidence in The Plan, the plan, and in personal revelation.