Grateful? or Giddy?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'm excited.

I am really excited because I don't have to work. I am totally excited to see my east coast family. I am also excited for the actual day itself.

There is a lot to be thankful for this week. Here are some of the more random things:

- wonderful, trustworthy associates
- BBQ pulled pork
- my down comforter
- that the ticket I found on my windshield tonight after I forgot to put money in the meter didn't make me mad
- Chipotle burritos, chips & guacamole
- service, both given and received
- Celtic Christmas music
- spiritual guidance
- and (of course) the fun of keeping awesome presents a secret!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Just Like Jeremiah

I learned a little something in Sunday School today.

When Jeremiah was called to be a prophet and do hard things, he said (paraphrasing) You couldn't mean me! I'm just a child.

The Lord answered (again paraphrasing) Don't worry. You'll be fine. I'll tell you what to say.

And later, He also said (this is for real) I have made thee this day a defenced city, and an iron pillar ... and they shall fight against thee; but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the Lord, to deliver thee.

When Father wants us to do something hard, He does not just say, hey, go do that hard thing.  He also says, it will be hard, but I'm going to be with you every step of the way. Just trust me.

That is important.

The New Normal

I made a comment last week: stressed is the new normal. I made it in jest. But it's accurate.

The usual pace has picked up a notch.  It's kind of like trying to run a six minute mile... six times a day, with maybe a little chance to catch your breath in between. (I haven't done even one that fast since high school...)

I used to wonder how my supervisor could go all day on a banana and a few pieces of rye bread with raisins. (It's pretty good stuff! He shares.)  Today, he counseled me to take advantage of every offer for a lunch run - it was the only way he was guaranteed to eat.  I know what he means - there isn't five minutes to warm up the leftovers. Today, between the time I got the lettuce out and the time I had a salad on my plate, I had two conversations with colleagues and had walked to the other side of the building to consult with the construction guys who wanted to schedule some work on an adjoining wall. If people need you, they'll find you - in the office or in the kitchen. I started my lunch at 3.  I finished at 4. I worked the entire hour.

I am learning what makes me really stressed, what is essential to delegate, what is ok to take on, and what has to wait until everyone goes home. I have learned to love my assistant and everything he does for me, and I am eager to begin relying on even more people to help me succeed.  I have learned it's ok to do the dishes only once a week, and to wait to clean the house until Friday night.  I am learning how to unwind on weekends.

More than once, I have looked at what I'm trying to do and been amazed that I am starting to get the hang of it.  And that, my friends, is a miracle.

Making My Tuesday

I read my SIL's post about sword fighting with gogurt and laughed and laughed and laughed.  It makes me laugh just thinking about it!  (Of course, I wasn't the one who would have had to clean it up...)

I remembered to call a friend I've been thinking about for a few weeks. At an hour reasonable enough to actually call, not just think about. Yay! And, another friend called me this morning, and we had a lovely chat on the way to our respective destinations, arriving at approximately the same time, so neither of us felt guilty for getting off the phone when we did. I love it when that happens.

It only took 2 tries to successfully parallel park in the space I found on a busy street in Washington Square tonight. Awesome. I have skillz (especially if the space is half again as big as the car...)

My headache was apparently inversely correlated to the number of calories consumed in the past four hours. Who knew? (she says, as she continues to eat dark chocolate covered pomegranate goodies after dinner... (hardly a permanent solution (but boy, are they yummy!)))

The above paragraph slightly resembles some independent if statements I wrote a few weeks ago... minus a few commas...

These are some things that made me happy today. Thus endeth the randomness. Back to work. After one more chocolate pomegranate thingy.

Saturday Miracles

This morning the sun shines brightly through my windows, and my eyes open at 8 am in spite of a late Friday night. I spend a few hours inside, poking around on the internet and thinking about how I want to spend my Saturday.  Then I head outside to get some yardwork done. To my surprise, it is warm! Oh, happy day!  I spend about an hour outside, raking and bagging leaves, cleaning up the back yard, and making friends with the neighbor kids, who are outside playing. It is wonderful. A beautiful day of sunshine is exactly what I need today to relax from a long week.

On Clarity

Last night, I cleaned my windshield. The inside was filthy - it had that thin film of yick on it that doesn't go away when you blow the defroster, so everything glares funny and affects your depth perception.  You know what I mean, right?

The project reminded me of a story told by President Monson. You can read the whole talk here, if you like.

"A young couple, Lisa and John, moved into a new neighborhood. One morning while they were eating breakfast, Lisa looked out the window and watched her next-door neighbor hanging out her wash. 'That laundry’s not clean!' Lisa exclaimed. 'Our neighbor doesn’t know how to get clothes clean!' John looked on but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, Lisa would make the same comments. A few weeks later Lisa was surprised to glance out her window and see a nice, clean wash hanging in her neighbor’s yard. She said to her husband, 'Look, John—she’s finally learned how to wash correctly! I wonder how she did it.' John replied, 'Well, dear, I have the answer for you. You’ll be interested to know that I got up early this morning and washed our windows!'”

The story makes me laugh. The clarity provided by simply washing my windshield makes me think. If a little scrubbing on a window makes that big a difference (and makes night driving that much safer), it must be a very good thing to spend a little time cleaning off the windows of our perspective every once in a while. It would help us avoid judging others unfairly because of our own faults, fears, or bad experiences. It is a choice that provides spiritual safety.

DST Has Ended

No more daylight savings time this year.

For me, this means darkness before 5 pm. It means endless days ahead of "night" driving, even when I'm going somewhere before dinner (I mean, the time regular people eat dinner... here, dinner is sometimes had after dark even in high summer...). It means cold.

But, last night, as I was in my kitchen at 4:30 (because it was Sunday and I had time to cook), I looked out my window and saw the most beautiful sight. The sky was red-gold and brilliant, and the setting sun was reflecting off the clouds, spreading across the horizon far and wide.  As I watched, I saw those gorgeous reds gathered into the sunset, growing deeper and more focused, until they were all collected low on the horizon.

And I was grateful that because DST had ended, I had seen the sunset on an early Sabbath evening.

The Other Side of the Fence

Three years ago, I was driving home one night talking with my good mother about my latest problems. I couldn't understand how what was going on in my life could possibly be good for me, and felt very confused as to how growth and happiness could come from such difficult circumstances. It was a hard thing to face - one of the hardest things I had faced yet.

I survived. I even thrived, after a while. As time went on, I was grateful to check off that set of experiences as something in the past and move on to happier and more pleasant challenges.

Now a new set of challenging opportunities is before me. It is, I think, as equally stressful and complex, although in slightly different ways, as the aforementioned problem. However, I feel (for the most part) a sense of peace about what is coming.  Even though it's coming at me with the speed of a locomotive crossing an uninhabited part of Kansas. 

The thought occurred to me this morning: you have been prepared for this. And this time, instead of wanting to turn around and run, I walk into the opportunity feeling confident that I will succeed - because I have confidence in The Plan, the plan, and in personal revelation.

A Spirit-Filled Weekend

This was the best Halloween weekend ever.

Did I celebrate? Not in your usual fashion. (That's what I love best about this holiday being on Sunday!)

We had Stake Conference this weekend, so I spent Saturday night and most of Sunday in meetings.  Wonderful meetings. Spirit-filled meetings. Meetings where I received personal revelation and insight about my life and what my Father wants me to do. Meetings and experiences so wonderful that I came home with a heart full to bursting with happiness. Indescribable happiness ...

I made a few insightful observations this weekend. Here are the two I feel ok with sharing...

First, I witnessed a scripture in action as Bishop McMullen from the Presiding Bishopric of the Church taught us in our meetings.  From Moroni 6: "And their meetings were conducted by the church after the manner of the workings of the Spirit, and by the power of the Holy Ghost; for as the power of the Holy Ghost led them whether to preach, or to exhort, or to pray, or to supplicate, or to sing, even so it was done."  And can I just say, this opens the door to revelation more rapidly than anything else I have ever experienced!

Second, I observed what the temple can do for us.  As I sat on the stand with the choir before the Annual Temple Workers Devotional today, I noticed something very unusual. By five minutes to the hour (when the meeting was supposed to start), everyone present was in their seats, quietly listening to the prelude music. Most meetings are preluded (is that a word???) by joyous visiting and talking and general cacophony. Temple workers sit in silent expectation, allowing the Spirit of the Holy Ghost to enter the meeting before the opening remarks. That is what the temple does for us. It teaches how to open our minds and hearts to revelation. It refines our spiritual selves so that we differentiate between the time for visiting and the time for quiet reflection. It elevates our hearts and minds to the things of heaven, and allows us to see the world from the perspective of the grand, eternal Plan of Salvation instead of just the mountainous temporal to-do lists.

Working in the temple is one of the best things I have ever chosen to do.

How Cutting Boards Are Also Teaching Tools

I was pulling out my cutting board the other day (my nice, new, rubber-edged, wash-it-only-by-hand-to-keep-it-looking-nice cutting board), and noticed some enthusiastic helper had unintentionally made large cut marks in it. For a split second, I was disappointed, and thought to myself, perhaps I should not share what I really care about...  Then, realizing what I'd just thought, I thought again (for of course, what else is a cutting board for?) - perhaps I should not care so much about the things I share. 

Fast foward two or three days. Now I'm sitting in Relief Society and we're talking about Elder D. Todd Christofferson's talk from General Conference called "Reflections on a Consecrated Life."  Something our lovely instructor said reminded me of this brief incedent a few days earlier, and I pondered its signficance... If God asked me to give up my cutting board, I could do it. The more contemplative question is this: if God asked me to give up the thing about which I cared the most, how would I respond?

Wherein You Use Your Imagination

I have been enjoying cooking the past few days. Unfortunately, I always think about taking a picture after I've eaten it. So, instead, I'll try to write a thousand words about each one... or not. :-)

Garlic Spinach Pizza with a Twist... imagine pizza dough topped with a garlic cream sauce, chopped spinach, mozzerella chunks, and craisins. Yes, you heard right. Craisins! I was out of tomatoes last Sunday, and tried these sweetened, dried cranberries as an alternative for the red color.  I loved it!  So much so, I made it again today.  Mmm... The red/green/white combination is beautiful, and I love it when the cheese browns slightly to a toasty perfection.

Butternut Squash Soup... now think about a rich golden soup flavored with nutmeg and cinnamon. No cream in this one, just the mild butternut squash flavor combined perfectly with fresh tart apple. A slice of sourdough from the bakery serves as a great alternative to a spoon for the first half of the bowl.

And finally, BBQ pulled pork... this is my favorite way to eat pork. Made in a crock pot, simmered in root beer (!), and topped with BBQ sauce. It tastes wonderful as a hot sandwich on toasted sourdough with muenster cheese (but then again, that tastes wonderful by itself), or cold as a side to some fruits and veggies. A great (and portable!) lunch option!

And that, my friends, is what I've been doing this weekend.

Another Lesson

I was assigned to teach Relief Society today. The lesson topic was "Repentance."

For a week, I considered the topic and tried to figure out in my mind how to present it. For a week, I had lots of ideas, learned a few lessons, and took lots of notes. But by last night at midnight, I still didn't know what I was going to say when I stood up in front of my sisters.  I was worried.

Then this morning, I woke up without an alarm about 30 minutes before I needed to get up for church. My mind again began considering what to say and how to say it. I took the extra time to ponder and pray. As I prayed for inspiration and for the Spirit, I had two thoughts come into my mind.

1. Heavenly Father loves you.
2. Repentance is a privilege.

They were simple thoughts, really, and hardly seemed like enough to base a 30 minute lesson on, but that was what He wanted me to teach. And when I stood up in front of my class, and wrote those two thoughts on the board, and started to talk, my mind cleared and my heart knew what to say. The Spirit was present, and I was filled.

Imagine. A Father who loves you so much, He prepared a way for you to progress - a way that involves coming to earth to develop, to change in ways that make you more like Him. A way that is so infinitely all-encompassing, it doesn't matter how many times you make a mistake, or how magnificent the mistakes you make are. He has already solved that problem - His Son atoned for those mistakes - and He offers peace and healing in exchange for repentance and change.

It is such a profound principle, I think I need another week to ponder it.

I Have Faith

"In whatever country you live, however young or inadequate you feel, or however aged or limited you see yourself as being, I testify you are individually loved of God, you are central to the meaning of His work, and you are cherished and prayed for by the presiding officers of His Church. The personal value, the sacred splendor of every one of you, is the very reason there is a plan for salvation and exaltation. Contrary to the parlance of the day, this is about you. No, don’t turn and look at your neighbor. I am talking to you! ... No one of you is insignificant, in part because you make the gospel of Jesus Christ what it is—a living reminder of His grace and mercy, a private but powerful manifestation in small villages and large cities of the good He did and the life He gave bringing peace and salvation to other people."

- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

On Vision

I had a day the other day that would have been all right, if I hadn't had to get up at the beginning. 

OK, it wasn't that bad... but it was a day that came after two days of overcast rainy mist, and those two days were kind of long and a little challenging.  Then I had some news that sort of threw me off kilter.  By the end of the day, I was feeling rather blah-ish and wishing things were different. 

Like, wishing I could do everything I felt like I was supposed to be doing - exercise, study the gospel, use different time to study to prepare my RS lesson for Sunday, serve my friends, get my laundry done, fulfill my dreams, eat healthy dinners, get enough sleep - and wondering how it was all supposed to get done to my satisfaction...

Then I prayed, and basically asked the Lord for the big picture. The "tell me everything so there won't be any surprises and I can figure out how where I am fits in with where I'm going" sort of prayer. He answered... with the words from a hymn:

I do not ask to see
The distant scene
One step enough for me.

As Harold B Lee taught Boyd K Packer: "You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you."

New Wine in Old Bottles...

Last week, my directionals were broken. For those of you not on the East Coast, those are your turn signals, your blinkers, whatever else you call them. I never knew I could feel so unsafe driving as a safe driver. Every time I had to change lanes or turn, it produced anxiety.

Three days and two trips to the mechanic later, I have a new blinker-turner-on-er and I feel safe on the road again (except when it's dark and misty-raining and it's hard to see anything even when you are driving a car with directionals). Only the new one makes a plastic-y clicking sound, like you hear in cars from more recent models, instead of the old metallic clicking sound like my old one.  So if I'm not looking, when I turn on my blinker, I can pretend I have a new car.  Whee.  :-)